Monday, May 5, 2014

Trails Come So That... Another Blog in a Blog hopless week

Trails come so that…

Trails come so that our faith can be battle tested. So that we are humbled and desperate for God’s truth to complete us by studying and obeying His life giving word. Trails come so that Christ is my everything; so that I can learn to rely on Christ’s power and let go of who I am and what I can do, which is an allusion because I am powerless to do anything without Christ’s redeeming love, forgiveness, grace and mercy! Trails come so that we may believe. So that we run to Jesus, run expectantly and confidently that the Lord of Lords will and does work anything for His good! Trails come so that we can react from God’s truth and not from our own feelings which are fleeting, often fueled by lies and can feed the flesh more than the Spirit. Lysa TerKeurst writes, “Feelings are indicators not dictators.” If we are clinging to God’s truth trails help us to overcome anything in God’s strength, power, grace and love.

At the end of week 4, “Living So That” author Wendy Blight changed us\called us to action to commit to taking the first steps in obedience regarding the chapter we have just completed and suggested we journal and write a prayer. My step is sharing my calling and why and how God equipped me for it. It has been less than a month since I heard God calling me to a specific ministry. He has been lovingly pushing me to embrace writing again for years but fear kept me from embracing my gift. Instead I journaled occasionally and hoped that writing Bible study curriculum for my small groups would be just enough to keep the Holy Spirit from motivating me to open my heart and share the mess that was my life and rejoice that I have been redeemed and that mess is now a message. At the beginning of “Living So That” I asked my Facebook study group to pray for me and keep me accountable because I knew God wanted me to start a blog, He called me last summer to do just that but after only one entry a major, heartbreaking trail hit and I huffed and puffed and instead of healing through God’s calling I allowed myself to fall into a deep pit of darkness not believing I was ever meant to get my message out, I basically pulled a Moses and told God He had called the wrong girl because I was not capable. I am not capable but God is. While I do everything I can to live a life of blind faith and absolute obedience to my Lord and Savior and try to shine Jesus, joy and peace despite my terminal lung condition I had chosen to build a wall around my writing and even though Jesus could have come barging in He waited patiently for me to smash through, step over the rubble of self-doubt, fear and past hurt and run into His arms. My calling is to reach women who don’t know how loved and precious they are in the eyes of Jesus. Woman who know Jesus but have chosen a path of rebellion or chosen to stay trapped inside a spiral of guilt and shame; woman who have only know self-hatred, self-doubt and loathing and mostly to reach young girls who have been burdened by their own mother’s lack of self-confidence and fears. I grew up being told I wasn’t good enough, I was to different and strange and the only love I ever had from extended family, from people I craved love and attention from the most only came when I served them, only came if I shut myself off and lived for them. I was born to a Father who literally chose booze and drugs over time with me, a Father who never accepted my baby brother for the gift he was because of his mental and motor handicaps. When Jesus entered my heart and life I knew unconditional love for the first time in my life and all of the negative labels and conditional love I had experienced growing up stopped being the toxic anchor weighing me down and having me count myself out. I was saved January 18, 2009 around 12:25 pm and twelve short hours later I was rushed to the emergency room as the first signs of my terminal lung condition roared their ugly head. That trail came so I could experience God in a way I don’t think that broken and bruised girl I had been ever could have. God allowed me to be stripped of myself so I could be filled with Him. The enemy knew what God had always known that I was formed in my mother’s womb, considered by the world as a vulgar mistake that threatened the life my family of origin had built for themselves to bring Glory, Honor and Praise to by Abba Father. I thank God every day because being told I was dying a slow, agonizing death at the age of 28 gave me more peace and freedom than the first 28 years of living every did!
My Prayer: Father God thank you for this amazing week I have had with strong lung function and being pain free. You have blessed me by getting me up and out of the house to live this life you have for me. Thank you for blessing me with five amazing kids in my life that fill me with joy and allow me to experience their beautiful lives that are filled with You. I feel like that it is a second chance to experience Family the way you intended. Help me Jesus to keep my eyes on You, to keep me Eternity and Kingdom focused and to only speak Your life giving, powerful word of Truth into woman’s hearts. Holy Spirit I need You to help me to stay true, to nudge me when I may feel more like saving than I do equipping. Thank you Father that in these five in half years I have never lost my fire for you, that my passion and excitement for Your work in my life and our walk together has remained despite the trails. I praise and pray for all of these things in your mighty sons name, Christ Jesus. AMEN! 

 “God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us.” 2 Corinthians 1-4 MSG

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trails of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be matured and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4 NIV