I’ve been HEALED of my chronic lung disease for which there is no cure and of the severe asthma that was the most imprisoning symptom of that disease. Nearly four years ago I was told I didn’t have much of a chance to live longer than six months, that hospice would be in my near future because I was in stage four of COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease). Nine weeks ago I was freed from my terminal illness. #yayGod #PowerofPrayer #LookUp #FindHope #HopeInChrist #ShoutHope
While I have told some my incredible news I have not shared it publically. And why not?
Those two words best describe life in the moments, days and even weeks after the doctor’s office called with negative test results. I assume when people are given a miraculous diagnosis they can hardly contain their excitement and when that excitement didn’t come I was ashamed. I had thought boundless joy would ooze from me so I punished myself for not rejoicing more and even started hating myself for my lack of enthusiasm.
Stunned silence kept me from glorifying God for what He has done in my body.
But the more I shared the more I saw God’s plan unfold and that His grace, love, and patience with me as I accepted His miracle as my new reality is almost as remarkable as the miracle itself.
Freedom to live again
I never doubted I would feel breathe in my lungs again. I never doubted I would feel life coursing through me. I knew my miracle would come. But, I had accepted that the healing would not be on this side of Heaven. I had embraced that God kept me on earth to live out this health journey glorifying Him and showing that one can live with peace and joy radiating from them no matter the tough they face when they make the choice everyday to focus on God and not the pain.
However, I’ve been ready to go home and be with Jesus for years now. Chronic illness is exhausting and the more my body betrayed me the more I longed for relief. While God empowered me to choose joy and light every day as illness ravaged through my body that choice wasn’t easy. I was living less and depending more on routines to keep me tethered to earth. I wanted to wait well as I longed for eternity.
Rarely, if ever over the last eight years have I been able to stop and hear the leaves falling, have I heard the shuffle and crunch of leaves underfoot or been able to look up and let a snowflake land on my tongue. I had to hide from weather, especially cold air, but now I can walk into the wind of a blustery cold day. I no longer have to scramble to find a germ mask, soak it through with essential oils to put on under the massive array of scarves and hats to merely make it to and from the car. The seven stairs that lead up from my apartment are no longer a mountain to climb but a quick jog. I’m making plans with ease, not consumed with dread at the possibility of canceling at the last minute. I am free to run errands when a need or want arises.
Less than a month after my miraculous diagnosis I felt God leading me to strap on my walking shoes. I was terrified. I’ve more than doubled in weight over the past eight years, my back and right hip are a mess of herniated discs, bursitis and nerve damage. I made it approximately 300 steps in four minutes walking around my building and collapsed on the stoop of my apartment as the searing pain surged through my body but I could BREATHE! Walking was just plain ugly for weeks. I have felt the hand of God on my back, gently pushing me along as I longed to turn around. I have felt the Spirit as I set my daily and long term goals and two days ago I met my first big goal of walking 30 minutes a day a week early! #OnlyGod
God chose to heal my lungs but left a few other thorns. My body has internal and external scars from the medical trauma. But I can breathe! Pain is more bearable when you can breathe. Suffering is less intense when you can breathe. Panic, anxiety and depression are easier to manage when you can breathe.
I’ve shared before that my illness was my greatest blessing because it stripped me of everything I had known and allowed me to fall in love with Jesus in a way I don’t know I would have without it. How do you not feel honored and chosen when the very day you hand over your life to Jesus your body betrays you and you are forced to your knees? I was blessed to discover that in my weakest moments I was the strongest I had ever been because I let Jesus be my everything. Every breathe I took, every breathe that was hard to take, and every breathe I would ever have would be His to give me. Some may see it as being powerless but I felt empowered. The spiritual battle was intense. The week I walked into a church out of desire and not obligation was the week my illness began, slowly destroying my body and the day I was saved was my first trip to the emergency room.
Healthy or sick, breathing easy or struggling, with pain surging through my body I will always trust God. I will strive to wait well. I will obey God as I fully rely on Him. I will remain a good patient who listens to her body, isn’t afraid to ask questions or get a second opinion and who speaks up!
|Happy Thanksgiving! We walked 19 minutes today and went further today than I been able to go!|
|Overwhelmed by God's beauty as I walk further and longer every day.|
“Miracle” by Unspoken
"If you depend on Him, your body and mind will be free from the strain of a sinful life, will experience healing and health, and will be strengthened at their core." ~ Proverbs 3:8 (The Voice)
But for you who fear my name, the sun of righteousness shall rise with healing in its wings. You shall go out leaping like calves from the stall. ~ Malachi 4:2 (The Voice)
"Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually! Remember the wondrous works that he has done, his miracles, and the judgments he uttered," ~ Psalm 105:4-5 (ESV)
"and finally He said to me, “My grace is enough to cover and sustain you. My power is made perfect in weakness.” So ask me about my thorn, inquire about my weaknesses, and I will gladly go on and on—I would rather stake my claim in these and have the power of the Anointed One at home within me." ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9The Voice (VOICE)