Thursday, October 29, 2015

Hope admist grief

Today I would have been married nine years.
We never even celebrated a single anniversary, our lives being thrown into an unusual chaos before we could. (
When I had to suddenly move ten months into our marriage my packing and cleaning led to hours of being huddled over the garbage sobbing as the top layer of my wedding cake was thrown in the trash, considered waste instead of being enjoyed.
My wedding pictures are also filled with the greatest loss I have endured, one I haven’t begun to share with you: my brother passed away years ago. So both my husband and David are gone.

Still, it is hard for me to mourn today because without that tragedy I may never have made my way to Jesus.
In my Bible study time today God led me to dig deeper into the human concept of time and to words written by three of the greatest men of faith: King David, Moses and Paul. Men after God’s heart, equipped and empowered to be far greater than they ever imagined and completely made new by Christ’s redeeming power.
King David wrote, Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be.
  Remind me that my days are numbered—
  how fleeting my life is.
You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand.
  My entire lifetime is just a moment to you;
  at best, each of us is but a breath.” Psalm 39:4-5 NLT
Why would David ask God to be reminded of his human frailty? I love what my Quest NIV Study Bible says, “Such a reminder encourages people to make the most of their time. We are able to live with greater clarity and purpose when we face the reality of death.” I am so grateful that God allowed me this insight when my faith journey was just beginning, that my failed marriage and my now terminal lung condition are a reminder of how precious and limited our time on earth is. I fail God many days, I once wrote and called myself a slayer (  of time but each morning no matter if I have an active day out in the world or I am home resting I know the only way to start the day the Lord has given me is in His word so I am full of His truth, power and strength. If I wouldn't have had my intimate time with Jesus this morning the memory of my wedding would have sent me into a tailspin of grief but instead my sorrow was momentary and led me to share with you my victory and not my failure.
While in the wilderness Moses commits himself and the people God put in his charge back to God and calls out in prayer for mercy and grace as they lived out their short lives: “Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom.” Psalm 90:12 NLT.
It is about to get PG up in here: life can suck. The circumstances of my marriage were completely out of my control, I could very easily be bitter and angry that such heartache happened to me but instead I embrace that the trials we face grant us the privilege of honoring and glorifying God by living out the love, mercy, grace, redemption and forgiveness that He provides for us. This choice is not easy but Paul’s words inspire me, “Act like people with good sense and not like fools. These are evil times, so make every minute count.”
My Pastor, Roger from Heartland Community Church used the verses we read today and a couple more in his message this past weekend, “Making the most of your time.” Roger gave us three tips:
  1. Number your days
  2. Embrace Today
  3. Engage God and others
    He also posed this challenge, “Pretend you can time travel. Make a simple list of what you wish you had done differently last week. Then, do it this week” Last week I spent my entire weekend in false recovery mode, instead of cuddling up on the couch or in bed with a great book or watching a sermon I made a terrible trade and spent my precious time on a binge HULU session. This weekend I will once again have activity that drains my body but I will NOT make that terrible trade when I am in recovery mode again. How about you?

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