Monday, October 19, 2015

HOPEful even in the pain

“A relationship with Jesus is not difficult. It is one simple truth: a choice.
In desperation, we find Him. And, to remain connected to His life-giving comfort, counsel and peace, we must choose to fill our minds with the truth.
Daily, we must choose to believe the Word and embrace the truth that Christ lives in us through the miracle of His powerful Holy Spirit.”
~ Linda Kuhar in #WorthyofaMiracle

In my everyday struggle to have enough breathe and energy for the day I don’t often experience physical pain. When I say, “my lungs hurt” that hurt rarely means pain and more a feeling of pressure and heaviness from within.
When times of extreme pain set in prayer and time with God always give me strength and enough healing to not let the pain overwhelm me.
Last year at this time I had incredible pain in both hands but carpel tunnel surgery on both completely healed me - despite the doctor’s doubts it would; my God needed my hands for the calling He place on my life. Occasionally the bursitis on my right hip causes pain but recently essential oils have greatly decreased that issue and before simple things like aloe and stretching helped keep the pain from distracting me.
But then there are days like today when the pain is so great it wakes me early morning and overcomes me. I don’t handle pain in my mouth, sinuses or ears well. My aggravation level and frustration factor are off the charts. I even turned OFF Scripture because I found comfort in nothing. I can’t remember the last time I turned off Scripture. I didn’t turn to anyone for prayer; instead I isolated and stewed in the pain. Every struggle I have with my health is because of my lungs and today that devastated me. The very thing that helps my lung to function causes my teeth to degrade and I lost a tooth to an infection I had years ago and that causes those weakened teeth to shift and when those two things collide I am in this place.
In spite of my pain and amidst my pity party I had a choice to make.
After two hours of sobs, pleas with God, pacing and failed attempts to fall back to sleep I started my day off with a poor choice:I traded a momentary pleasure (watching my favorite TV show) over my morning time with Jesus which of course led to guilt but before the guilt sunk in the enemy delivered and I ended up falling asleep for a few more hours but awoke with guilt and the pain had returned.
However, GOD gave me a fresh start to my day which provided me a chance to make the right choice to start my day with God.
The momentary pleasure had given me relief but it had not filled me up and given me HOPE, strength or peace for my day. So I chose my morning time with Jesus and while I found little physical comfort which robbed me from enjoying my cuddle time with Jesus I was able to speak the Scripture God laid out for me but I did not stop to celebrate that victory, instead I pushed forward toward my original plan for the day which led to my second poor choice. Because I had invited my dear friend Linda over to hang out and break bread, something we haven't been able to do in a few weeks and I miss her, I hurried through my morning Jesus time, didn’t get my journal prayers in so I could get the roast in the slow cooker and then chose another momentary pleasure and watched yet another TV show while I ate breakfast and missed out on a live teaching from Nicki Koziarz which could have been my third wise choice of the day.
One of the most difficult parts of living with a chronic illness is that you are often unreliable. I have to cancel plans, usually last minute because I refuse to heed God’s and my body's warnings that I am pushing too hard. I did that today but when I finally sat down with my Journaling Devo and filled the pages of my prayer journal with praise, repentance, acknowledgment, intercession, supplication and asked for God to equip and empower me in everything all with a thankful heart I realized He was asking me to slow down and stop. He was telling me I had spent the day ignoring what He had for me: a fresh start, being able to speak His words while others have been too painful, that I have a friend like Linda (and so many others) who understands I only cancel when I have to and when I reached out to her and asked for prayer the pain lessened greatly.
Tomorrow I will share with you how the verses I shared today strengthened me and provided peace that even on a bad day like today I stand firm on.

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